My Nigerian Mother
I remember when my mum was beating me up once, so I pretended I was dead.
She Started crying. I woke back up and she beat me up again!
New Funny Memes Available:
A Nigerian couple living in the U.S.A unable to have children decided to adopt, they talked to the management and agreed to adopt a three months old Chinese baby.
On the way back home, they signed up for Chinese lessons at a nearby institution. The secretary asked in a friendly way, "Are you guys planning to go to China?"
The Husband answered," No oh! We are adopting a Chinese boy."
"Oh," she continued, "I guess you don't understand a word he says!"
The Wife jumped in, "You see, we are very clever, he hasn't started talking yet, he's only three months old, so we are taking these lessons so that when he starts talking, we will be able to understand him."
FUNNY VIDEO: So funny Am still laughing hard… Lol!
One day a husband says to his wife, “Today is a fine day!” Next day he says it again. “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he says same thing, “Today is a fine day.”
Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband, “Since last week, you are saying today is a fine day. I am fed up. What’s the matter?”
"Last week when we had an argument, you said, 'I will leave you one fine day.' I was just trying to remind you."
FUNNY VIDEO: Swimming Pool
Micky's wife had just given birth to a baby...
MICKY: Guess what it is?
FRIEND: A boy!
MICKY: No, guess again.
FRIEND: A girl!
MICKY: Ah! who told you?
FUNNY VIDEO: TEACHER
I Don't Trust Her
A child innocently asked his mother...
CHILD: Would you leave your housegirl with your bank account card and your N1 million on the chair.
MUMMY: No I don't trust her.
CHILD: Then why would you leave me with her?
FUNNY VIDEO: WHO WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
Ages of Women on Their Wedding Day
It's very easy to know the age of a woman on her traditional wedding day...
18-21 years: There will be no dancing. Rather, the bride and her mother will be hugging each other and crying.
22-25 years: Only the bride will be dancing while the mother will sit and watch with wet eyes and forced back tears.
26-30 years: Both mother and daughter will be dancing with all their might and strength.
31-35 years: Daughter, mother and father will be trying to outdo each other on the dancing arena
36 years and above: The father o, mother o, brothers o, sisters o, and the entire extended family will take over the dancing arena.
FUNNY VIDEO: He wanted to revenge after she previously scammed him. Watch what happened next. Lol Bovi
Most Important Dad
KENNY: My Dad is the most important person in this country because the President of Nigeria himself calls him every night
JUNIOR: What does your dad do?
KENNY: He's a Minister.
JUNIOR: Well, my dad is the most important person that even the President himself sits with his head bowed in front of my dad.
KENNY: Wow! What is does your dad do?
JUNIOR: He's a barber.
FUNNY VIDEO: EMANUELLA SLEEP
When We Were Telling You
When your wife does homework for your kids and they get zero.
Then you start remembering when we were telling you that, "It's not all about physical beauty".
New Funny Memes Available:
A woman went for a family planning method and was giving a form of special condom... after a month, the husband makes an observation...
HUSBAND : Dear, I don't think this condom is properly fixed.
WIFE : What is it, dear?
HUSBAND: It gives me a lot of discomforts whenever we meet.
WIFE: Haa! No one else complains about it.
The hubby looks straight into her eyes...
HUSBAND: How many of us?
FUNNY VIDEO: Ade and Crazy Clown Comedy
My dad got me a dictionary for my birthday
"Why did you get me this?" I asked
He said, "Because you're stupid."
Then for his birthday, I got him a condom.
"Why did you get me this?" he asked.
I said, "Because that you won't give birth to more stupid children."
I've been living on the streets for 10 days now...
FUNNY VIDEO: So funny Little Emmanuella Is At It Again ”Fresh Yo”… Mark Angel Comedy Series
Anger and Exasperation
Little Akpos was having a problem with his homework. "Dad," he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
"Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number, "Hello," said a voice at the other end.
"Hello," said Akpos' father. "Is Kwame there?"
"There is no one called Kwame here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"
"You see?" said Akpos' father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. But watch this!" He then dialled the number again, and said, "Hello, is Kwame there?"
"Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Kwame here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"
"Did you hear that?" Akpos' father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, Akpos' father said, "Hello! This is Kwame. Have there been any calls for me?"
FUNNY VIDEO: WHO ARE YOU
Where Do Babies Come From
A little boy was at a house party with his parents when suddenly he asked his mom, "Mom, where do babies come from?"
Shocked, the mom replied, "Go ask your dad."
So the little boy went to his father and asked, "Dad, where do babies come from?"
Shocked, the father said, Go to your grandma."
So this went on and on until finally, he came to his mother again. Out of breath, the boy asked, "Mom, I'm really tired from running around all day... please, just tell me, where do babies come from?!"
Giving up, the mother replied, "Well, when your dad and I got married, we really wanted a boy so we took a seed and placed it under a rock under a tree and prayed really hard for a boy... so the next morning, you were there.
Satisfied with the answer, the little boy wanted to try this for a little boy too. So that night, he took a seed and placed it under a rock under a tree, went to bed and prayed really hard for a little boy for himself.
The next morning, he jumped out of bed and ran to the tree. Angry and disgusted to see a frog on the rock, he picked up the frog and said to it, "Listen here son, you tell no one... I repeat, no one that I'm your dad!"
FUNNY VIDEO: So funny What Is Photosynthesis… Lol Mark Angel tv
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, my father asked me how much my last date had cost. I thought for a minute and then replied, "Oh, about 15,000 Naira I think."
"Well," said my Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening."
"To be honest Dad," I went on, "We would have spent more, but that was all the money she had."
FUNNY VIDEO:MOBILE BANKING
My Foolish Sister
I don't believe my big sister is this foolish, not until one day when our parents told us to go and spend Christmas with one of our uncle in Lagos.
We have never been to Lagos before so our parents wrote down the home address of our Uncle on a piece of paper and gave us a live chicken to give him for Christmas.
Immediately we got to Lagos, the chicken just flew out from my Big sister's hand! But instead of trying to chase after the chicken, she just said, "Don't worry David, the chicken won't go far because it doesn't know the way to Uncle Jo's house, I have the address."
New Funny Memes Available:
The Credit Card
A woman went shopping... at the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn't control his curiosity and asked, "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?"
She replied, "No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today."
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items the lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what he was doing.
He said, "Your husband has blocked your credit card."
MORAL: Respect the hobbies of your husband.
Wife took out her husband's credit card from her purse and uses it to clear all the bills. Unfortunately, he didn't block his own card.
MORAL: Don't underestimate the power of a WIFE.
FUNNY VIDEO: LEAVE ME ALONE
One day, I came back home late in the night.
DAD: Where are you coming from?
ME: I was at my friend's house.
Right there and then, my dad called ten of my friends.
4 of them said I was still in their house.
2 said I just left their house.
3 even went as far as saying, "Let me give him the phone..."
FUNNY VIDEO: THREE OF THEM
A man and a girl met on Whatsapp Chat and this was their conversation...
MAN: Hello Sweet Girl!
SWEETGIRL: Hi Lover Boy!
MAN: Can I know you more please?
SWEETGIRL: 19, female, sweet lips, bootylicious and delicious, live in Maryland and you?
MAN: Hmmmm! I'm in love already. I'm 52, male, 6 pack, big Chest, live in Maryland too.
SWEETGIRL: You're 52?
MAN: I'm just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
SWEETGIRL: Do you have a wife?
MAN: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter, she is in her bed room with her friend doing her home work.
SWEETGIRL: Then why do you like young girls?
MAN: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy.
SWEETGIRL: I am also into older men with iPhones, iPads, Cash, Gifts and driving expensive cars.
MAN: I can offer all of that and even more.
SWEETGIRL: I think we should meet.
MAN: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my new BMW X6 sexy girl?
SWEETGIRL: Tomorrow I am going to school, it won't be possible.
MAN: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
SWEETGIRL: Let me continue the homework I'm doing with my friend, Lucy... I don't want my dad to know that I have a BlackBerry, he will be mad at me.
MAN: Hey! You said your friend's name is Lucy?
MAN: Exactly where in Maryland do you stay?
SWEETGIRL: Maryland Estate, House number 5 and you?
MAN: Mercy!!! Is that you?!
SWEETGIRL: Dad, is that you?!
FUNNY VIDEO: CHO-CHO-CHO-CHO!
Our House Girl is Pregnant
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:
WIFE: Our maid is pregnant...
AKPOS: That’s her problem
WIFE: Neighbours are talking…
AKPOS: That’s their problem.
WIFE: I’m worried
AKPOS: That’s your problem
WIFE: They say it’s yours
AKPOS: That’s my problem!
FUNNY VIDEO: SINGULAR n PLURAL
African Parents II
How to be an African parent:
2 Blame everyone at home but yourself.
3 Never apologize to your kids.
5 Keep shouting.
FUNNY VIDEO:The thief and the strong man – Real House Of Comedy
My Beautiful Wife
A man before leaving for work left a letter on the dining table for his wife. Chores around the house kept the woman from seeing the letter until about 12noon. When she finally chanced on the letter, she was so excited to see that her husband had taken the time to write her a letter. She kissed the paper when she saw "My beautiful wife" at the top, hugged it when she saw “I love you with all my heart” at the bottom, and sniffed it when she realised it smelled of her husband's perfume. Out of excitement, and without even bothering to read the content of the letter, she made up her mind to cook him his favourite meal for dinner that night. She quickly rushed to the kitchen and got to work.
After cooking and setting the table, she went to the washroom and took a shower, put on her most attractive nightgown and dressed the bed. Just as she was about to finish laying the bed, her husband walked into the house. When she heard him come in, she went out to welcome him. To her surprise, her husband was furious when he saw her. She became very confused and asked why he wouldn't even let her welcome him with a hug but instead have that angry look on his face.
The husband asked, "Did you read the letter I left you on the table?”
The woman responded, “Oh yes I saw it. That's why I went through all the trouble to prepare your favourite meal for you. Thank you so much, honey, it was sweet of you."
She leaned in to give him a kiss, but he pushed her away to her surprise. The husband went on, "If you did, then why haven't you done any of the things I instructed you to do?"
The man went inside and came out again quickly with an already packed suitcase. He headed straight for the door and said to his wife, "See you in seven days."
The woman stood there confused but before she could utter a word, the door had slammed behind him. She went back to the dining table to take a second look at the letter. It read,
"My beautiful wife,
My company has asked four colleagues and myself to go on a seven-day trip to Dubai for a training program. They said that we can bring along our wives and I thought this will be the best opportunity for us to have the honeymoon we never did after we got married. I have already packed a suitcase for myself, so kindly do too. Our flight leaves at exactly 7 pm, so I will be home at 6 'o' clock for us to go to the airport. No need to cook dinner since there will be food on the plane. Just be prepared to go as soon as I get back. Please be ready before I get back otherwise I will be forced to leave you behind, seeing that the purpose of this trip is for a training program and me bringing you along is just an added bonus. I Love you with all my heart."
FUNNY VIDEO:The thief and the strong man – Real House Of Comedy